Have you ever dug a hole so deep and then wondered how to get out of it? You never thought the situation would become so out of hand. Your actions were never meant to cause so much reaction. You yourself have “changed” or at least acknowledged that there were and always are two sides of the story and that a person’s perception of that story is based on a number of things, including attitude, past issues either involving you or involving others and/or of other peoples opinions be it if they were correct or accurate in the first place.
When we have issues or problems we always look at it from our own point of view, how does it affect ME, why or what is happening to ME, how this dare touch ME.
It is worse still when one or both parties bring in other “supporters”, they usually become part of the problem. The supporters make their minds up on the issue and on that person, based on one side’s belief of the issue. The “supporters” opinions then become for them FACT and are forever lodged in that persons mind, often creating a negative comprehension of that person.
From then on anything that happens in the future with that first person that was or can be seen as being a similar problem as previous, is easier to believe and even in some cases have other people even use this situation to manipulate others against that person.
We vent our problems and our side of the issue to any person who will listen and we think we create allies. When in fact, most of the time, people just do not care or don’t want to get involved. We dig ourselves in deeper and deeper and create our world based on our issue of that particular time. Sometimes the issues are over with in a quick time frame; others come back and bite you on the butt for years.
So how do we make people understand that perhaps we handled things badly or wrong, that if we could do them again we would certainly do them differently. We have the new understanding but forget that others are NOT in our heads and as such whilst we come about with new and improved attitudes they still know the OLD you, or at least the OLD person who they THINK is you. You want to move on and start anew, but how do we make others who may have been offended by us also move on with us.
How we see ourselves is often so different to how others see us and it very hard to change a person’s opinion. Acknowledging and then apologising for past discretions is a great place to start, but the apology has to be genuine and honest. Also realising that we are able to move on now, but others may still be offended and hurt by the situation and not so happy to say, “Sure lets get over it and build that bridge”.
Every person is going through something all of the time – we are not alone, yet we think during this time we are. The problems are sometimes personal or work problems or life problems; sometimes we seek shelter or support in others. Sometimes we look at finding someone, anyone who will validate us or make us feel good about ourselves. We need to know only we validate ourselves and only we really know us and our true intentions.
During the writing of this article I have had three people make comments that they have issues today that they are dealing with, and how they have handled those issues have and will effect them in future, but they were grateful to know they were not alone, and that whilst we know others are going through problems, when we are having problems we forget others full stop. We become paramount in our lives and our problem is the ONLY issue in the world.
So remember, today our feelings are extreme but tomorrow is different, don’t make mountains out of molehills, nip our problems in the butt and try and stay positive in doing so, we can always say sorry for anything in the past and smile to our enemies to at least start to build that bridge and most importantly know that we are not alone. Some things can and will never for forgiven or understood but you never know if you don’t ask and if someone is trying to offer a hand in friendship or apology – take it if you can.
Remember too that people may not see the issue as you see if and they see it as their honest perception of the matter, they say that three people can see one car accident and each can see it quite differently, yet each person’s honesty and feelings are real to that person.
No matter what it is our attitudes that will reflect how we overcome the “hole”, we choose the attitude we have and we choose to either suck it up and just so be it or to get down and be miserable about it. There is always a good way of looking at things and people will always want to be around the happy and positive rather than the miserable and negative. Ask yourself before you get to involved with your issue, can I sleep on it and see how it effects me tomorrow. Ask yourself was the problem I had six months ago that was so terrible still effecting me now or can I even remember it.
A great attitude is learned behaviour and takes time, effort and focusing on what we say or do; BUT it can totally change your life for the better, how we see life is how we are affected by life and its problems. Make that change and know you are NOT alone, think of the good rather than the bad and if you have done something wrong apologies for it and then get over it.
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